College Writing – ENG 101 – A3W
ESSAY 1 - PERSONAL ESSAY – 1ST DRAFT
Ross M. Caron – 2/13/11
The day we are born is a special day for all of us. My birth, unfortunately, had an extra significance because there were complications. I was breech and although I was delivered by a planned C-section, my head had gone under my mother’s rib cage. As the doctor struggled to get me out, I was without oxygen and it resulted in a stroke that affected my whole right side, with the greatest damage occurring to my right hand.
As you can imagine, the years that followed have had a lot of ups and downs. From the time I was six months old until I couldn’t stand it any more at the age of 15, I had hours of therapy three times a week at Hasbro’s Children’s Hospital in Providence. On the positive side, I was naturally left handed and I had language skills on both sides of my brain. This meant my language development wasn’t too badly affected.
Some of the not so good things included the fact that in a world that’s set up for you to do everything with your right hand, being able to use only your left hand is difficult. Also, the stroke affected other areas that couldn’t be seen or expected. The biggest problem came with academics. No one understood that the stroke had affected my eyesight and because infants don’t normally suffer strokes, it took years to figure out why I was having trouble learning to read.
I finally got help when my mother read an article about adult stroke survivors. Many of them complained about how they couldn’t read anymore. After much research, we found a doctor who offered vision treatment in Dedham. He diagnosed that the damage to my right side also included my right eye. He explained that our two eyes work together to form a complete picture when we read and my right eye was unable to do that. I attended vision therapy every Friday morning before school for almost two years. The therapy did make a dramatic difference for me; however, I had a lot of work to make up. Although I’m an average reader, it still takes me longer to get through reading assignments.
I think the biggest frustration I have about my disability is how much longer it takes for me to reach regular, everyday goals. For example, I passed my driving exam on the first try (maintaining a family record) but it required finding a driving school that had adaptive equipment. The only driving school that offered this was in Boston. I got a part time job at Wal-Mart to help pay for the driving classes. At a cost of $80.00 a class, I was limited to only taking one class a week. The other biggest frustration I have is the way people can perceive me. I don’t like to tell people I’ve had a stroke because some people don’t understand and think I’m mentally handicapped as well.
The things I’m happiest about are that I’ve had many good friends throughout my life. My true friends seem to be able to see past my disability and just see me - Ross. I take pride in being able to hold down a difficult job for almost ten years. I consider myself a problem solver because I try not to let anything stop me. It might mean that I have to do something in a different way than most people, but I figure out a way that I can do it and I get it done.
Do I ever wish I didn’t have a disability? Of course I do. It would be a lie to say anything different. To walk into a room and know every eye is on you – judging the way you look or walk or talk before they even know you, is tough. But, I’m pretty sure I can continue to handle it because I’m tough too.
Hey Ross, I really liked your story, you painted a powerful mental picture of your struggles but managed to end on a very positive vibe. It couldn't have been an easy childhood, going through the physical therapy and the vision problems. I can definitely see where the judgment of other people can get frustrating too, that kind of stress can be some of the worst! Like I said though, you ended on a very truthful and positive note! I can't really see anything that you would need to correct in your essay, to me it seems solidly written and clear on it's point.
ReplyDeleteI read your essay and it was touching. I liked the order in which you present the experiences and it is easy to follow. If I may suggest adding some more personal feelings. I know you are a courageous and strong individual just by reading the essay. How did you feel having to attend therapy on a weekly basis so ofter? Did you have to attend special classes in school or even having to go to a special driving school, how was that emotionally for you? How do you feel in school now? How proud are you of your accomplishments? Maybe develop in some of these emotions. You are amazing, let that out. The development of your essay implies that you are a survivor...you truly are. I admire you and I think you are incredible
ReplyDeleteRoss--
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you finally managed to get this posted! It should be downhill (so to speak), technologically at least!, from here.
Your writing here is certainly smooth and clear and competent grammatically. You've got rich material here, and a tremendous opportunity to educate your reader about some aspect (whichever aspect you choose to write about) of living with a disability.
I do feel, though, that you're trying to cover too much ground here in a relatively short essay, and that if you narrowed your focus, you'd have more room to develop that particular aspect in more detail, so your reader could understand more about just what you've coped with and how.
As i read through, I jotted down the possibilities I saw for several different essays:
--you could write about your academic difficulties and the discovery of vision problem, vision therapy, etc.
--you could write about the process of learning to drive (I've read this before, but you'd be able to bring something beyond the usual experience to it)
--you could write about your struggle/battle over other people's perceptions (here it would be good to describe a particular situation, a particular time in your life, or a particular person or two)
--you could write about yourself as problem-solver (that line seemed to me resonant, and would give you the opportunity to show examples of problem-solving different situations relating to your disability, or connecting it to other types of problem-solving).
Any one of those could be a full essay, I think. I'm particularly interested in the last two, but it's up to you to figure out which you want to write about, have enough info about that you're comfortable sharing, etc.
I hope this makes some sense--what you've got here is a good overview, but I'd love it if you could give us all a closer picture! Looking forward to seeing another draft... (if you want some feedback before essay is due, feel free to send me an email).